


A Fine Line Between Love and Hate

by MsYukari



Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: Angry Sex, Angst, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, F/F, Feelings, POV Alternating, Power Dynamics, Power Imbalance, Shameless Smut, Smut, Spanking, There is a mention of Joan's rape in this fic but it is non graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-03 08:36:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11528568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsYukari/pseuds/MsYukari
Summary: A little trilogy story that started out as a oneshot that I wanted to do for FreakyTits that is set during parts of S5. Vera visits Joan in her cell.





	1. Chapter 1

Joan sat in her cell as she read a book. She left the door open to hear the sounds of the prison. There was something familiar about the sounds that she preferred over her privacy right now. She was also not worried about anything happening to her due to the recent events out in the yard. She smiled to herself. Those women wouldn't dare touch her again. She made sure of that. The animal within... the prison required her to be that animal. But she was above them even though she stooped down to their level. She knew she was better than them. She always was. That's why she knew she wasn't going to be here long. They would never be able to prove it wasn't self defense. Because that's what it was: self defense.

She heard soft clacking down the halls until they stopped near her cell door. She slowly looked up to see the slim figure of Governor Vera Bennett standing in front of her cell holding a box. Those shiny little crowns. Vera wore them proudly. They were never hers to begin with. Vera did wear the pants well though. That change Joan did like because she knew Vera was copying her. That's all Vera would be. A watered down version of herself. Joan noticed that the pants curved her hips and she kept herself from smiling at this little attractive detail. 

“Hello, Vera. It's not my birthday,” she said lightly.

Vera smiled wanly and placed the box onto her bed.

Joan lifted her eyebrow and marked the place of her book. “If you think I'm going to give you the satisfaction of asking what's in the box, you are sadly mistaken.”

Joan placed the book next to her on the bed and looked up at Vera. Curiosity got the best of her. What pathetic game was Vera trying to play now?

“No, give in. What's in the box?”

“I've just come from a board meeting, one I think you would have found very interesting.”

“I doubt that.” Joan smiled at her smugly.

“An officer resigned. Officer Murphy. You remember her?”

Joan didn't understand the relevance of this. “Always skiving off for a smoke,” she replied.

“Exactly. She confessed to losing her swipe card on the day you murdered Bea Smith. Smith used it to escape into no man's land.”

Joan blinked. She found this amusing but she didn't like Vera's tone. She blinked and furrowed her eyebrows. “That proves nothing.”

“It does squash your supposed conspiracy theory and undermines your self defense claim. Smith didn't collude with an officer. She didn't bribe anyone to let her out to kill you. When Mr. Jackson and I found you, Smith was dead and you were holding the shiv,” Vera said and her eyes gleamed with a smug satisfaction.

Joan stared at her, grinding her jaw a little as Vera continued.

“Getting out of here might take a bit longer than you thought.”

Joan looked down at the floor. _Clever mouse, but you played your hand too early._

“I suppose you think you're very clever,” Joan said in a low and soft voice.

Vera smirked a little. “I think the size is right.” 

Joan watched as she turned around and started to walk away. Joan quickly got up and grabbed Vera's wrist and brought her back into her cell, closing the door behind her.

“Joan, what are you doing?! Let me go!” Vera said angrily.

Joan held her wrists and lifted them up as she pressed Vera against the wall. She stood so close to the woman that she could feel her breath against her neck and collarbones.

“Joan, this could be considered assault. Let me go,” Vera said quietly.

“Oh, but Vera this isn't assault. This is giving you what you want. We won't do anything you don't want to do. Why do you always come to my cell? You should ask yourself that,” Joan whispered and glared at her.

Vera pushed against her and Joan held her firmly against the wall. 

“I came to your cell tonight because I needed to deliver the teal,” Vera hissed.

“You didn't have to do that. You could have had any other officer deliver that. But instead you personally chose to come down here, just like you always do. Why is that, Vera?” Joan asked.

“Because I know you and how you are. Other officers don't, or at least not as well.”

Joan leaned down and whispered into her ear. “Is that the only reason? When you're making love with someone else... when you're _fucking_ them, do you think of me? Do you call out my name when you come?” 

Vera shivered. “I-I'm not with a-anyone r-right now,” she stammered. 

Joan could could feel her pulse quicken as she caressed the pulse points of Vera's wrists. 

“You're lying, Vera. Just like you always do... just like you're lying about Officer Murphy. You let Bea Smith out. I know this. Why do you keep lying? You're with someone but you wish you and I could be together and yet you don't understand why. You come down here because you want to spend time with me, because it's the only way. Is this some kind of prison fantasy you have? Why do you keep lying to yourself?”

Vera looked up at her and Joan studied her face and could see the slight quiver of her lips, then her teeth that bit her bottom lip. Vera's pupils were so large that they took up most of the blue iris of her eyes. Joan was mesmerized by this being so close to her. The way Vera kept biting her lip was enticing. She felt her nipples tighten under her sweater. 

“You can't prove that I let Smith out, and I'm the fucking Governor. I can see whoever I want whenever I want. You're not special in that way,” Vera said vehemently. 

Joan smiled slowly. “I beg to differ...” She lifted her hand from Vera's wrist and cupped the back of her neck. Vera's eyes widened and they looked afraid and full of desire at the same time. 

“What are you doing?” Vera whispered.

“I'm giving you everything you've ever wanted...”

“And what is it that _you_ think I want?”

“I can't tell you that. You have to figure it out for yourself, but I think you know,” Joan said softly, looking into her eyes.

Vera's voice trembled slightly. “I'm in a relationship... this is wrong,” she whispered.

“Sometimes what is wrong turns out to feel so very right. Admit it... you think about me in bed.” Joan caressed the back of her neck and slowly undid the tight bun, feeling the softness of her hair fall across her hand. She smelled Vera's sweet shampoo and closed her eyes.

“I-I do think about you... and I wished I didn't. It's wrong.”

Joan pushed her thigh in between her legs and felt Vera's warm and wet center through her pants. She smiled at this. 

“Your body doesn't think this is wrong. You want this. Don't fight it or deny it. Don't deny yourself what you want,” Joan whispered and licked her neck.

“Joan, this isn't how I imagined it... please not here,” Vera said as she started to grind against her thigh.

“Are you sure this isn't how you imagined it? Or do you think of us when I was the Governor and where I could take you into my office and fuck you?”

Vera moaned softly and covered her mouth. Joan smiled at this and bit her neck, sucking on it.

“It doesn't matter... but you're not giving me a choice,” Vera said as she tilted her head.

Joan moved her hand and took off her uniform jacket, hesitating over the gold crowns on her shoulders. 

“You always have a choice. I'm not making you do anything you don't want to do. If you want me to stop, tell me now and I will. This is entirely consensual,” she said as she stroked Vera's hair.

“I hate you,” she said and kept grinding against her thigh.

“You don't have to love me to want this,” Joan said, kissing her neck.

“I don't want this,” Vera said.

“Yes, you do. You've been rubbing yourself on my thigh for the last 15 minutes. And I can feel how hot and wet you are even through your uniform. You want this... you want me,” Joan whispered and started to undo the buttons of Vera's uniform shirt, opening it to reveal a white bra. It made her look almost pure, her smaller breasts in the perfectly shaped cups. She could see Vera's nipples standing to attention against the bra cups. 

“What if someone hears us?” Vera whispered.

Joan smirked. “Then we'll have to be very quiet,” she whispered back.

Vera nodded. “I want you to fuck me... hard.”

Joan's nostrils flared and she inhaled sharply. “I was already planning on it.” 

She undid Vera's bra and kissed her nipples, biting them gently. She sucked hard and she heard Vera whimper. Joan then quickly unzipped Vera's pants. She knelt down and kissed her stomach, feeling the taut and tense muscles quivering. She hated Vera sometimes, and other times she was fascinated by her... and she found this duality arousing. Either way, Vera was still beautiful. She licked across her navel and her hips as she slipped off Vera's underwear. 

“Joan, I haven't—you haven't even...”

“Shh...” Joan reached up and cupped her and began to stroke her swollen and wet lips, sliding her finger back and forth slowly, teasing as she dipped her fingertip inside her. Vera sighed and Joan looked up at the woman who was naked in front of her. Vera blushed and averted her eyes. Joan smiled and leaned forward to kiss her wetness.

“Oh, Joan,” Vera moaned softly.

Joan licked and sucked her lips into her mouth, spreading Vera's legs wider as she did this. She caressed the toned legs and licked her clit slowly, circling it as Vera began to rock gently against her mouth.

Vera tasted better than she thought she would. She slid her tongue inside her, feeling her squeeze it as she licked up to her clit again and began to suck on it. Vera stroked her hair and Joan thought she was rather tender for someone who claimed to hate her. She smiled a little and grabbed Vera's butt, pulling her tightly to her mouth. She could feel Vera's legs shaking and she licked her faster. She knew Vera was close and she kept licking her and sucking strongly on her clit. Vera gasped and was rocking her hips faster. Joan stopped and stood up, taking off her sweater and bra. 

Vera stared at her, a look of desire and frustration in her eyes. “Why did you stop?”

“You didn't think I'd make it that easy, do you? Plus... I needed to make sure you were very wet, because I will not be gentle with you,” Joan said in a low voice as she now stood naked in front of Vera.

Joan was unsure if she wanted Vera to see her like this, but the woman had seen her naked before and her sense of pride lost against her need to feel Vera's skin against hers. She grabbed Vera and pushed her onto the bed, climbing over her as she straddled her. She leaned down, her breasts hovering above Vera's face and she lifted her eyebrow at her.

Vera lifted her head and took her nipple into her mouth. Joan closed her eyes as she felt the warm lips and tongue. Vera's tongue swirled around her nipple and bit gently and she moaned softly. Vera moved to her other breast and did the same thing, licking her nipple first before sucking on it. Joan felt Vera's knee move between hers and she started to rock and grind against her thigh. 

She shivered and then lifted her breasts from Vera's mouth and moved onto her knees next to Vera. She looked up at her with a slightly dreamy expression on her face and Joan had a moment where she thought how wonderful this was to see with her. This soft and pleasurable expression. This is what Joan made her feel. Joan spread her legs wide and bent her knees, pressing herself between Vera's legs, their breasts now touching. She moaned softly as their nipples touched and rubbed. Vera looked up at her, breathless as Joan spread her legs as wide as they could go. 

She leaned down and kissed Vera's neck, biting it and sucking on it. She then kissed along her shoulders and collarbones down to her breasts and kissed them, sucking on the swell of her breasts. She wanted to make sure Vera would have marks of their night together. They were reminders that Vera would always be hers and never Jake's. Even with him, Vera was still hers.

She lifted Vera's thigh and pressed it against her hip, rocking and rolling her hips with hers as she pressed her knee between Vera's legs. Vera was so wet as she slid against her skin, rocking her hips faster. She felt Vera's fingers in her hair, removing the hairband and she sighed softly as her hair fell against her shoulders. She sucked her nipples, tugging on them with her teeth until they were red and swollen and she heard Vera whimper.

Vera ran her fingers through her hair and Joan moaned around her nipple, licking it. She looked up and Vera had her eyes half closed. She kissed her ear and licked along the shell of it then sucked on her earlobe. She whispered into her ear.

“Do you still want me to fuck you?”

Vera moaned softly. “Yes...”

“Are you sure?” Joan asked in a breathy voice.

“Yes, I'm sure,” Vera panted.

“I want to hear you beg,” Joan said and moved her thigh away. She spread Vera's legs again and caressed her inner thighs. Vera had goosebumps and she stroked her fingernails slowly along Vera's soft skin.

“Please...” Vera said and looked into her eyes.

“Please what?”

“Oh, my God, stop playing this game,” Vera hissed and with surprising strength she pulled Joan closer to her and lifted her thigh over her hip. She pressed her wet center against Vera's narrow hip and smiled at her.

“What game is that?”

“Joan, you talk too much,” Vera said and leaned up to try and kiss her and Joan pulled back quickly.

“None of that until you give me what I want,” Joan said firmly, spanking Vera's butt.

“Please... I'm already begging...”

“That's not good enough. Please what? I want to hear you say it,” Joan said. She slightly rolled her hips against Vera's hip. “I can keep doing this until I come. But if I don't get what I want, then you're going to have a very frustrating night.”

Vera groaned. “Please Joan...”

“No... wrong,” Joan said and spanked Vera's butt again. Vera gasped and Joan rubbed the area, squeezing it. 

“You do have a nice arse though, so if you keep getting it wrong, I don't mind spanking it as many times as I want,” Joan said and smirked at Vera's blush. She reached down and lightly stroked Vera's clit and smiled as Vera moaned softly. She circled her clit and could feel Vera moving her hips.

“Please fuck me Joan... please. I need it... I need you,” Vera whimpered.

“And have you always needed it? Always wanted it?” Joan asked as she gently and slowly circled her clit.

“Yes, every fucking day,” Vera groaned.

Joan smiled and moved back over Vera, keeping her legs spread wide. She leaned down and her lips were only a breath away from Vera's. 

“You need me? Of course you need me... you always have. But do you want me?” Joan whispered.

“Oh, Joan, I want you so much,” Vera breathed and licked her lips.

Joan shivered. “How many fingers? Two? Three?” Joan whispered.

Vera looked into her eyes and trembled a little. “Three...”

Joan smiled. “Good girl...” 

Joan cupped the back of her head and lifted it a little to kiss Vera deeply. She moaned into her mouth when Vera's tongue rolled under hers. She kissed her passionately as she sucked on her bottom lip. Vera wrapped her arms around her and Joan kept one arm around Vera's back. 

Joan moved her hand down, stroking Vera's lips and clit, feeling how wet she was. She knew she could handle three because of this. She thrust her fingers inside her hard. Vera cried out into her mouth and she kept her fingers still, letting Vera adjust. Her thumb reached up and circled her clit slowly and Vera whimpered as she kissed her. Vera bit her lip as she dug her nails into Joan's back.

Joan moaned and sucked Vera's tongue, kissing her deeply again. She then started to pump her fingers harder and Vera broke their kiss and gasped as she squeezed her fingers. She looked into Joan's eyes and began rocking her hips against her hand.

Joan curled her fingers inside her and stroked harder, moving her fingers back and forth. She smiled knowing her fingers were all the way inside Vera, the woman still contracting around them. She stopped and looked down. She slid her fingers out and sucked on them, moaning softly at the taste and then she slid her fingers inside Vera again, but she didn't move them this time, just kept them still.

Vera nipped at her throat and she smiled as Vera looked frustrated and she began to rock her hips against her hand.

“Yes... keep doing that. I want you to work for it when I fuck you,” Joan whispered and caressed Vera's clit with her thumb. 

Vera kept moving her hips up and grinding them and Joan began thrusting inside her again. She made hard and deep strokes with her fingers and Vera panted, holding her tightly. She kept circling her clit with her thumb. She felt Vera reach down and stroke her clit and Joan moaned softly. Joan heard her breathy pants and moans in her ear and Joan turned her head to kiss Vera. 

Vera stroked and rubbed her clit and Joan trembled above her, already so wet from fucking Vera that she didn't realize how in need she was until now. She broke their kiss and reached down and pressed Vera's fingers deeply inside her, squeezing them as she looked into Vera's eyes.

“Fuck me,” Joan whispered and moaned as she felt Vera's fingers move inside her.

Joan dropped her head to Vera's neck as she rocked her hips, rolling them as Vera stroked inside, feeling Vera's thumb barely touch her clit. Joan bit Vera's neck and sucked hard as she rode her fingers. 

She looked down as she thrust her fingers inside Vera again and watched as Vera did the same to her. Joan rubbed her clit faster and Vera whimpered, stilling her hand. Joan smiled and kept doing this until she felt Vera tensing underneath her.

“Are you going to come for me?” Joan asked breathlessly.

“Yes... but I want us to come together,” Vera moaned loudly and then covered her mouth.

Joan smirked and lifted her hand from her mouth and kissed her deeply, working Vera hard as she curled her fingers and pressed hard against that rough patch inside and she felt Vera tense and start shaking. Joan moaned when Vera stroked her clit, now sloppily sliding her fingers in and out of her but Joan didn't care. She needed to feel Vera inside her. Vera rubbed her clit and she squeezed Vera's fingers and moaned into her mouth as she began to come. She trembled and arched her back. Vera kissed her hard and began rocking her hips under her. Joan rubbed her fingers hard, touching Vera's g-spot and the smaller woman whimpered into her mouth, digging her nails into her back and she felt a flood of wetness hit her palm. She broke their kiss and watched Vera as she came, feeling her squeeze her fingers tight.

Joan panted and looked into Vera's eyes. She kissed her again and then moved down to kiss her breasts and hips, putting her legs over her shoulders.

“Joan, no more... I can't,” Vera whimpered.

“You can and you will. Don't fight it,” Joan whispered as she licked her firmly. 

Vera twitched and jerked a bit and Joan smiled because she knew she was sensitive. She kept licking her softly and firmly, then slid her tongue inside her. She kept doing this, moving her tongue in and out and moaned when Vera's hand stroked her hair. 

“Joan...” Vera moaned softly, rocking her hips under her.

“That's it... give in to me. Give yourself to me,” Joan whispered as she sucked her lips and licked her.

Vera lifted her hips and Joan caressed her thighs as she licked her clit, circling it softly and slowly.

She sucked it into her mouth and started to lick her clit faster as Vera rocked her hips faster and harder against her mouth. Vera tensed and Joan moaned as she came. She licked her tongue slowly up and down her slit, listening to Vera pant. Joan began to lick her clit again and Vera pushed her head away.

“No, I'm too sensitive,” Vera said weakly and Joan ignored her. She held Vera's hips down and kept licking her until Vera came again. This time she stopped and gently kissed Vera's wetness. She moved up and saw how beautiful she looked with her eyes closed, trying to catch her breath.

Vera slowly opened her eyes and looked at her. She reached up and wrapped her arms around Joan, hugging her. She kissed her neck and lips and Joan felt a moment of tenderness fill her heart. She kissed Vera back and reached up to caress her cheek. She felt something that went beyond the walls of the prison, and in this moment they were not Prisoner Ferguson and Governor Bennett, but they were Joan and Vera. For a fleeting moment Joan could forget everything that happened. She held Vera tightly because she knew they didn't have much time left. She stroked her cheek and kissed her.

Vera kissed her back softly. “You're making it hard to hate you right now...”

“Likewise...” Joan whispered back.

Vera stroked her cheek and kissed the corner of her mouth, stroking her hair and Joan closed her eyes. 

Vera sighed softly and sat up and looked at Joan. Joan caressed Vera's lower back gently and smiled at her a little. “You really do have the teal tracksuit in that box, don't you?”

Vera blushed. “Yes... you still need to wear it. You won't be getting out of here soon,” Vera said firmly.

Joan narrowed her eyes. “So we're back to those roles, are we?”

Vera sighed. “It's the only way we can be. I still have a responsibility to this prison.”

“You seemed to forget about that when my tongue was inside you,” Joan said quietly.

“I did... I had a weak moment,” Vera said softly.

“You didn't... what you had was a moment of clarity.”

“Perhaps... but it's not simple. I have to hate you Joan.”

“Why?”

“Because it's easier to do. It's easier for me to hate you than... feel anything more,” Vera said and she got dressed into her uniform.

Joan watched her warily and she grabbed her hand. “You're right... it is easier. I will do what I must to make sure I'm exonerated.”

“I know,” Vera said softly and sadly.

“Someday you'll understand,” Joan said quietly and she pulled Vera down and kissed her deeply.

“Go,” Joan said softly against her lips.

Vera kissed her again and walked out, closing the cell door behind her. Joan started to grind her teeth. Vera was everything to her. She couldn't love her even though she wanted to. Vera would still continue to betray her and Joan knew that the only way to get out of the prison, was to start with the one she cared about the most. It pained her to do, but she was angry and hurt. She was angry and hurt that Vera still continued to lie. But at least Joan had this time with her... it would be one of the few things that got her through this time until her trial. She hoped it was the same for Vera. 

Joan pulled out the teal tracksuit and stood up in front of her mirror, staring into her reflection. She put on the teal but instead she imagined she was putting on her uniform, imagining the shiny gold crowns on her shoulders. She was the one who really deserved to wear this. Vera took everything from her. She would take everything from Vera, so she would be left to be in the same position as Joan. If Joan was to be in prison, she'd make sure Vera met the same fate. Perhaps then they could truly be together. Joan didn't deny that she was a very selfish person, and Vera would have to pay one way or another, despite how Joan felt about her.

She put on the coat of her uniform as she stared into the mirror.

“She thinks she's outsmarted you. Pfft. Pathetic little... underling. She's taken everything you value. Your job. Your reputation,” she said as she paused and glared into the mirror. “Your freedom. Are you just going to stand there and take it?” She slid on her leather gloves. “Dismantle her. Piece by piece. Professionally, psychologically... emotionally,” she whispered.

“En garde, Vera. From the ashes, I am rising,” she said softly and lifted her arms out to the side as if they were wings. She imagined Vera's face and remembered how beautiful she looked, how soft she looked after she came in her arms. Joan thought of Vera's soft lips and she walked a fine line between love and hate.

_This isn't over. You think I'll let you go this easily? You're mine. You'll be back Vera, and when you come back, I'll be ready._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is not normally the type of story that I write. I've written angst and emotional turmoil before, but not angst like this. I was somewhat asked in a comment on my Jaz fic by Anak that I should do a FreakyTits version of a oneshot... and with encouragement from oceansinmychest I decided to work on it. This went places I didn't expect it to go and presented a challenge to keep this within character and also keep it steamy and angsty too. Anyway, I hope people enjoyed that. It was definitely a good writing exercise for me.
> 
> Feel free to follow/message me on twitter as @MsYukari_85 or on tumblr as msyukari. :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So with a few people wanting to turn it into a longer story or at least get a sequel to it, I decided to at least give people a sequel.

Vera put her head in her hands at her desk. It was the day after the savage attack on Lucy Gambaro and she still couldn't believe Joan would do something like that. She couldn't concentrate as she stared at the paperwork on her desk. She turned to the CCTV and saw Joan walking through the prison. She appeared to be heading back to her cell. It was later at night and Vera was pulling a double shift. She wanted to be at home with Jake but she felt overwhelmed by the amount of work she had to do because of this incident. The board was on her back over this and she was desperately trying to fix it. She knew she couldn't though. Even though she knew Joan did it, she couldn't get a confession and Gambaro wouldn't give her one either. She recalled Joan's words to her in her office a few hours ago. She had been so smug when talking to her. Joan mocked her and this made Vera angry.

_“I know it was you.”_

_“What's the legal expression? It's, uh, on the tip of my tongue. Burden of proof?”_

Vera shook her head. How could Joan send her Gambaro's severed tongue? It was sick and horrifying. And how did she get it to her in a wrapped box? She must have bribed an officer to do it. It was one thing to cut out Gambaro's tongue, it was another thing to send it to Vera, and on her birthday of all days. She didn't know Joan even remembered her birthday. _She's fucking demented._

She rubbed her eyes and tried not to think about how they had been together only a couple weeks ago. She had thought about that so often and she couldn't help that now every time she and Jake slept together, she saw Joan's face in her mind. She would imagine her eyes and lips, her soft skin. She saw her face now every time she came with Jake, and it was only because she thought of Joan that she was able to have an orgasm with him. 

Vera remembered how Joan had held her after, even if only for a short time and it had felt so right, but then Vera remembered where they were and who they are, and reality came crashing back down. She hated to admit that she missed her even with all of her confusing and psychotic behavior. 

She didn't think she'd ever be able to get her out of her head. It was confusing because she was both afraid of Joan and attracted to her. She was attracted to that complicated dark side of her. Vera heard a ping sound and glanced down and saw a text from Jake. She didn't want to think about him right now. He was a distraction for her. An easy and safe distraction. He was never as passionate as that one night with Joan. She ignored the text and put the phone on silent into her desk drawer. 

Vera glanced at the CCTV again and saw that Joan was just now entering her cell. Vera narrowed her eyes. _If you want to give me a tongue in a box, then I think we need to have a little chat._

She walked through the halls of the prison and nodded at a few of the officers. When she arrived to Joan's cell, it was quiet and she looked inside to see Joan once again reading a book on her bed, sitting completely straight. She always managed to somehow have perfect posture. Joan had her hair down and was wearing instead the white shirt with the teal pants. She looked softer here, and for a moment Vera could almost forget who she was. She shook her head and straightened her shoulders as she opened the door. Vera stepped inside and felt a little awkward as Joan still continued to stare at her book. 

“Well, well, well. I see you're back. We're like ships in the night,” Joan said softly as she marked the place in her book and looked up at her. She smiled a little at Vera.

Vera furrowed her eyebrows and walked in front of her bed. Joan watched her like a cat would. Vera knew she was the mouse here, and she didn't like it. She knew she'd be burned by Joan, yet she was still here.

“How did you know it was me?” 

Joan folded her hands in front of her. “I know the sound of those heels belong to you and no one else.”

Vera stood closer in front of her. “Why did you do it?”

“Well, the women wanted me for Top Dog so I--”

“I'm not talking about that. Why did you cut out Gambaro's tongue and then give it to me as a birthday present?” She asked impatiently.

Joan smirked a little. “You know, I'm not quite sure I know what you're talking about. Cat's got my tongue...”

Vera's nostrils flared and she grit her teeth. “Stop it. I know it was you. Why did you do it? This was sick, even for you.”

Joan's smile faded and she stared at the wall. “It's irrelevant why. Lucy Gambaro got what she deserved. You can't tell me you don't think she deserved it, especially after what she did to you during the riot,” Joan said quietly and looked up into her eyes.

Vera had hated Gambaro but she didn't think anyone deserved to have their tongue cut out. She was losing her patience and she didn't know why she was here.

“That was a vicious thing to do to her and to me. What's happened to you?” Vera asked quietly.

Joan stared hard at her, and then stood up. She stepped closer to Vera. “Gambaro did something to me and she got what she deserved. I know there are many who are grateful for it. I did for others what they couldn't do themselves. I removed the rot,” she said in a low voice.

Vera looked up at her and she furrowed her eyebrows. Her mind flashed to Joan being in the strip search room completely covered in bruises from a brutal sexual assault. Her eyes widened as she stared at Joan.

“She raped you,” Vera said quietly.

Joan frowned and turned away from her. It all made sense and Vera wished she had forced Joan into Protection. She walked over to Joan and put her hand on her arm. She felt Joan flinch.

“Why didn't you tell me?” Vera asked sadly.

Vera watched Joan with her back to her, and she could see the tension in the woman's body. She gently caressed her arm and Joan's eyes glanced at her wearily.

“It doesn't matter now... you can't change what happened. What matters is that she paid for what she did and she'll never get to lick another pussy again,” Joan said vehemently.

“Joan, I'm sorry. I should have--”

“Don't pity me! That's not what I want or need, and especially not from you.” 

“Why are you doing this?! Why are you making this so hard to help you? Why are you punishing me?” Vera asked, feeling frustrated.

Joan lifted her eyebrow. “You should already know the answer to that question. As for being punished, do you think you deserve it?" 

Vera sighed and moved to sit next to Joan. Joan's lips turned up into a half smile at her. Her eyes traveled over Vera's face and over her uniform, making Vera blush.

“I don't deserve what you did to me, to be punished like that. That was cruel and sick,” Vera said and shook her head. 

“I had to get your attention in some way. I'm sorry it seemed so... extreme,” Joan said and smiled at her.

Vera lifted her eyebrow. “All of that just to get my attention? What kind of mind fuck is this?” She asked angrily.

Joan's eyes widened and she smiled slowly. “It's the type of mind fuck you crave. And you said you didn't deserve to be punished 'like that.' That implies you think you do deserve to be punished, but in a different way.”

Vera felt her heart beating faster. She felt guilty at everything that had gone on between them, but she was stubborn and she knew what she was doing was for the benefit of her and the women. It didn't matter how she felt about Joan now. But the way in which Joan said the word “punish” gave her a strange reaction. Her nipples hardened and she felt her underwear become slightly damp. 

“Do you want me to punish you, Vera?” Joan asked softly, reaching up up to caress her cheek. Joan stroked her thumb across her bottom lip and Vera shivered.

“I don't know what I want...” 

Joan smiled at her. “Well, why don't we find out together, hmm? Take off your clothes.”

“Joan, we shouldn't be doing this...”

“You seem to think you're the one in control here. You don't run this prison... I do. Take. Off. Your. Clothes,” she said softly.

Vera stared into her dark eyes which were glinting with a challenge. Vera stood up and slowly took off the rest of her uniform. She was now naked in front of Joan and she covered herself a little. Joan shook her head and stood up, removing her arms from her breasts as she leaned down closer, her hot breath against her ear.

“Tell me you want to be punished,” she whispered and licked her ear.

Vera shivered as Joan lifted her hands to undo her tight bun, and she relaxed a little as her hair fell across her shoulders. Joan ran her fingers through her hair and pulled it a bit, making Vera look into her eyes. 

“Tell me you want me to punish you,” Joan said quietly as she slid her knee between her legs. Vera closed her eyes, remembering how this started a couple weeks ago and her body was already responding.

“Why am I the only one naked?” Vera asked as she tried to not grind against Joan's thigh.

Joan stared at her for a minute and then kissed her deeply, biting Vera's lower lip as she did. Vera moaned into her mouth. She broke their kiss and pulled Vera closer to her. Joan squeezed her butt. 

“If you want me naked, then you're going to have to tell me what you really want. Give in to your darker desires,” Joan whispered against her lips.

“You think I want you to punish me? In what way? Spanking me?” Vera asked.

Joan raised her eyebrow and smiled. “I never mentioned spanking. Is that what you want? Let go and let me guide you, just like I always have. This is what you want. You need me to be the one in control. Give in to me,” she said and kissed her neck.

Vera closed her eyes at the soft kissing and biting Joan was doing to her neck, and moaned softly as Joan began to suck her neck. Why had she thought of spanking? Maybe because she associated that with punishment, and she remembered when Joan had spanked her a couple times the last time and it made her respond in a way she hadn't expected. But she wasn't a child and this was utterly absurd to want that. 

Vera had images of Joan being in her uniform as the Governor and giving her orders throughout the day. She missed those days even though she enjoyed being the Governor now. There was a part of her that desperately needed Joan to be there for her like she was before as her mentor. She felt more secure when they had those dynamics. The same dynamics played out now even though Joan is in prison and Vera was both frustrated and oddly comforted by it. It was familiar to her. It was like a dance they did together. 

“I want you to punish me,” Vera said softly. 

Joan breathed against her throat and pulled her hair back again to look at her. 

“Punish you how?”

Vera looked into her eyes. Joan's expression was intense, but her lips were curled up a little, indicating she was slightly amused.

“I don't know...”

Joan narrowed her eyes and reached down and pinched Vera's nipple. Vera gasped and knew she was even more wet. Joan rolled her nipple between her fingers and pulled on it, making Vera wince at the pleasurable pain.

“You know... you're just too afraid to want it. You're over thinking it and afraid of what it means. Maybe you are too vanilla,” Joan said and smirked at her.

Vera glared at her. She remembered when Jake told her that Joan called her vanilla and she leaned forward and kissed Joan, biting her lip a little hard and sucking on it. She whispered against her lips.

“Sometimes I fucking hate you. I can't believe you called me vanilla. I'm not,” Vera said as she licked Joan's lips.

Joan pulled her closer and Vera moaned when Joan squeezed her butt, pushing her into her thigh. Vera couldn't help but start to rock against her and Joan smiled.

“You're not? Prove it. You want me to punish you and I want you to tell me how,” Joan said firmly.

Vera stared at her and thought of how much she wanted Joan to touch her, needed her to touch her. 

“I want you to spank me. I want you to bend me over your knee,” Vera whispered.

Joan's nostrils flared and she nodded. “Good girl. Sit on the bed.”

Vera slowly walked over and sat on the bed. She watched as Joan took off her clothes and Vera missed seeing her naked body. She wanted to touch her so badly. Joan sat down next her and cupped her cheek, turning her face towards hers and kissing her deeply. Vera moaned into her kiss as she felt Joan's hands caressing her body. Vera reached up and squeezed her breast, feeling Joan's hard nipples against her palm. Joan pressed her breast into her hand and then broke their kiss. 

“Lie across my knees,” she said softly but firmly.

Vera looked into Joan's eyes that were dark and smoldering. She slowly moved across Joan's lap, her arms hanging over. She blushed in this position and her breath caught when she felt Joan's soft hands, even the one that had been burned felt soft but slightly rough against her skin. Joan caressed her back and sides, then her hips and butt. Joan slowly caressed her cheeks and her thighs, placing one hand on her lower back. Vera shivered and felt goosebumps on her skin. Joan's skin was warm against hers as she rested against her thighs. She felt Joan spread Vera's legs a few inches apart and reached down to slide her finger between her wet lips. She let out a breath as Joan teased her with her fingertips. 

Joan's hand caressed her butt again and then she paused on her skin, her palm gently resting on her.

“Vera, if this becomes too painful for you, I want you to use the word 'vanilla' and I will stop immediately. Is that clear?”

Vera blushed even more and squirmed a little on Joan's lap and Joan held her hips. 

“Vera, do not rub yourself against me. You are not to come until I tell you to,” Joan said, squeezing her butt.

“But 'vanilla'? Really?” Vera asked, trying not to move against her as Joan kept caressing her.

“Can you think of a better word?” Joan asked in a low voice.

Vera couldn't at the moment. She was far too distracted. “'Vanilla' will be fine.”

Joan caressed her butt and upper thighs again. “Your skin is very beautiful and soft. I'd love to see it a nice pink color. You can't get this with your boyfriend at home, can you? This is something you crave. I can feel how wet you are for me,” she said softly.

Vera tensed when she felt the first smack of Joan's hand against her cheeks. Joan did this again and spanked with one hand across her butt and upper thighs. Then she stopped and caressed her butt again. Vera breathed and bit her lip to keep from moaning. Joan continued again and smacked her cheeks one at a time, moving to spank her upper thighs. 

Vera squirmed against her and Joan pressed firmly on her lower back and spanked her harder this time, and Vera now felt some soreness as Joan landed several smacks against her butt, varying in touch. She could hear Joan's breathing was deeper, slightly out of breath as she caressed her butt. Vera whimpered when Joan touched her clit, circling it.

“You're so responsive to me. Only I can do this for you. No one else. You need me to punish you, to put you in your place, don't you? You'll always be under me. I'll always be the one in control. Despite the shiny gold crowns on your shoulders, I will always be the Governor. Isn't that right, Vera?”

Vera squirmed and started to rub against her thigh, blushing as she felt how wet she was. Joan circled her clit and kept caressing her butt and upper thighs. Joan spanked her hard and Vera gasped.

“Isn't that right, Vera?” She repeated.

“Yes, Governor,” she whimpered. 

“You miss having my guidance. You miss coming to me to feel validated for your achievements. You miss me in uniform. You miss me fucking you,” Joan said in a soft and husky voice.

Vera moaned as Joan smacked her butt a few times again, and she kept this up for a while without rest and Vera started to feel pain. Joan was breathing a little heavily and Vera was thinking she needed to say the word. It was starting to hurt. 

Joan spanked her too fast and too hard, and as she was thinking that, she felt her body slowly relax as an odd mix of pleasure and pain spread throughout her body. The need to say the word went away as she gave in to her and felt a rush of pleasure. She almost didn't feel the spanks anymore, and she knew she was rocking and grinding against Joan's thigh and that's when she felt Joan's fingers slide deeply inside her. She moaned and squeezed her fingers tightly. 

“Oh, Vera, that's it. Your body loves this. Tell me you need it.”

Vera moaned and started to fuck herself against Joan's fingers, and shivered when she felt Joan thrusting her fingers inside her. Her body was trembling when Joan started to stroke her clit with her thumb.

“Yes, I need it. I need you,” Vera moaned. 

Joan slowly lifted her limp body and made her straddle her lap, facing her. Vera looked into her eyes and leaned down to suck Joan's nipple. Joan moaned softly as Vera sucked and bit her nipple gently. She reached down and stroked Joan's clit, circling it with her fingers. Joan shivered and rolled her hips. Vera felt Joan's hand on her wrist as she moved her hand away and brought Vera back up to face her. She scratched Vera's back and spread her legs wider and held her tightly. She slid her hand down to cup Vera between her legs. 

“I love how you touch me, but I'm in control of you and your body right now,” Joan said against her lips as she kissed her deeply and thrust two fingers inside her hard. Vera moaned into her mouth as she felt Joan start to stroke her fingers, rubbing her clit at the same time. 

Joan curled her fingers and wrapped her other arm tight around Vera. Joan kissed her deeply and passionately and Vera thought Joan was going to kiss the life out of her. Vera whimpered as she pumped her fingers harder and faster, rubbing her clit faster. Vera's body was shaking and she broke their kiss, breathless as she scratched her nails down Joan's back, digging her nails in when Joan sucked her neck and whispered in her ear.

“He doesn't fuck you like I do. He doesn't make you come like I do. He never will. It will always be me. You'll always feel empty until you accept that you can't be without me,” Joan said and kissed her neck.

Vera rocked her hips and she felt a pressure building as she moved against Joan. Her clit was still being stroked and she trembled, her hips now moving in a tight circle.

“Oh, Joan,” she moaned.

“Come for me,” Joan said, circling her clit faster.

Vera felt Joan thrust hard inside her one more time as she pressed on her clit and Vera shook and dug her nails into her back, biting Joan's neck hard. Joan hissed and held her tightly, her fingers still inside her. Vera shivered and squeezed her fingers, her body jerking as she came. 

Joan tilted her head back to kiss her passionately as she held Vera against her. Vera started to slowly relax and Joan slid her fingers out and wrapped her arm across her butt and the other around her back. Joan was shivering against her and she knew the older woman was aroused. Joan breathed against her lips and kissed her neck. Vera tried to catch her breath and rested her forehead against Joan's shoulder.

“Vera... I love you,” she whispered and kissed her jaw and throat, then her lips.

Vera kissed her back and held her. Vera hid her face against her neck, letting the tears come. Joan didn't say anything as she held her and stroked her hair, caressing her body. They stayed like this for a while and Joan nuzzled her neck, kissing the area.

Vera pulled back and sat next to Joan, resting her head on her shoulder. Joan took her hand and squeezed it. Vera sighed and caressed her hand with her thumb, feeling her heart break at what she was about to say.

“Joan... I can't do this. I have someone, and this... this can't be real. I love him. This is just lust and I don't know what else. You've done things that I don't understand. I don't even understand this now, but I can't do this,” she said sadly.

Joan pulled away from her and moved her back against the pillow on the wall. “You're lying to yourself again and you're lying to me. I _know_ how you feel. And he will never love you like I do.”

“How can you say that you love me and do the things you do?” Vera asked.

“Love is complicated Vera. I never said it was easy,” Joan said softly.

“It's more like hate and obsession on your part. You're delusional,” Vera said and shook her head, standing up and putting on her uniform.

She felt Joan grab her wrist and pulled her down, her face close to hers. Joan's eyes were dark and intense.

“Love is often obsession. You consume my thoughts every day and night. I can't stop thinking about how much I love you and how angry I am with you. I hate that I love you, but I do. You've come here so often to see me. You've gone out of your way to do so when you didn't have to. You've let me _fuck_ you more than once. I've been inside you as you've come around my tongue and fingers. I know you inside and out, and you're going to tell me I don't love you? You're running away because you're too scared. Now who's the delusional one?” Joan asked in a low and angry voice.

Vera stared at her a little shocked and her lips trembled. “You're a prisoner... I can't keep doing this. Even if I know you're right,” she said, her voice shaking.

Joan kissed her and cupped her face. “Don't fight it. Be with me, no matter what the consequences, no matter what happens.”

Vera felt tears falling from her cheeks. “I can't. I can't be the Governor of this prison and be with you. These were moments of weakness. I have a man I'm happy with. This shouldn't have happened. You're still under remand and I don't think you'll get out. I've made sure of that. It's hopeless Joan,” she said quietly and pulled away from her. 

Vera looked at her and Joan looked both angry and heartbroken at the same time. She turned around and started to walk out when she felt Joan's hand on her arm, pulling her around and she kissed her hard. Vera kissed her back, feeling Joan's tongue in her mouth, and Joan abruptly broke their kiss and glared at her.

“Keep running, Vera. You'll never be happy when you're denying yourself what you truly feel and desire. We'll go ahead and keep playing the game we were before, the same roles as before. Don't come back to my cell,” Joan said angrily. 

Vera swallowed at the lump in her throat and slowly backed away, closing the door behind her. She left and walked down the prison and back to her office. She gathered her things and grabbed her phone as she walked out to the car. She sat in it and saw a text from Jake. He told her he loved her and Vera's lips trembled and she threw the phone at the floor. She put her head in her hands as she sobbed. All she kept hearing in her mind was Joan's whispering voice: _“Vera... I love you.”_

Vera couldn't stop crying. She thought of Joan and remembered the look in her eyes before she left and she hugged herself.

“I love you too. I'm so sorry, Joan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wanted to make it from Vera's POV for this to have insight into how she feels. I hope people enjoyed that chapter, even if it had some angst in it again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has two different POV's. The 2nd will be when it breaks up with a horizontal line. It'll be obvious as to which POV it'll be once that happens.

Joan made her way back through the prison. She stopped at the stairs to see Vera coming up them and she looked happy and smiling. Vera always wore her heart on her sleeve, despite her best attempts to remain cold and distant. She didn't have a good poker face. _You shouldn't look this happy now that you're no longer the Governor. It's time to wipe that smile off your face._

She stood in front of Vera and watched as Vera slightly rolled her eyes at her.

“Hello, Vera. I was gonna call you Governor, but you're not Governor anymore are you?” She asked and smirked at her.

“Oh, Joan. Don't you get tired of it all? The pointless baiting?” She asked, smiling and giggling a little. “Get a life,” she said. She walked away from Joan. _Oh, Vera, you are my life. Everything I've done has been because of you, for better or worse. Time to stick the knife in._

She glanced at Vera's back. “Still checking under the bed at night?”

Vera walked and halted in place. _I got you._ Vera slowly turned around to face her, her face serious and slightly afraid.

“What did you say?” She asked softly.

“Goodness me, there is such a glow about you. What is that? Don't tell me, you're in love. Oh, that is so sweet,” she said and smiled mockingly. “At least it would be, if it weren't all based on a lie.” She slowly walked forward in front of her, trying not to smile.

“Hate to be the one to break it to you though, Vera, but you and, um, your Jakey? Nothing about it is real. It's fiction.” She watched as Vera glared at her with hate. Vera swallowing and Joan was sure this was to keep herself from crying. “Everything Jake has said, everything he's done, it was all at my instruction.”

“I don't believe you,” Vera said, her voice shaking slightly.

 _You're in denial again, Vera._ “Yes, you do. Because deep down you know a man like Jake could never love you,” she whispered. _Not like I do, but you've destroyed everything Vera, so now I'm going to destroy you._ Vera's eyes looked like she was trying to hold back tears.

She moved even closer to Vera, staring down at her. “He tells me everything. We laugh at how pathetic you are, especially in the bedroom.” She smiled, knowing this would hurt her the most. “And that little, um... that little peculiarity of yours,” she said and knew her words really hit home when Vera looked at her with trembling lips and she continued, “checking under the bed every night. Who would have thought all that time, the real monster was in bed beside you,” she said softly.

Vera's lips and chin trembled, her eyes hurt and angry and Joan studied her face, knowing the damage had been done. _I promised I would crush you._

Vera walked away from her and hit the button at the elevator. Joan grimaced as she watched, barely containing her rage. _You're running away again. You can't face who you've become. How dare you walk away from me again. I know you're trying not to cry, but you will and I'll take pleasure in knowing I'm the one who caused your tears. I want you to suffer just like I have. Anyone who betrays me will pay..._

When Vera turned around and stared at her, she could see how hurt she was and Joan barely kept a smirk off her face as she watched the doors close.

 

* * *

 

Later that evening, she looked in the mirror and brushed through her hair. The soft and thick strands smoothing out as she brushed through it. She wasn't always one to wear makeup, only light makeup when she wasn't working before all this, but she took some pride in her hair. She missed the bun and the power it symbolized with her uniform. She ran her fingers through the dark and silver strands and sat on her bed. She remembered Vera's face from earlier and smirked in satisfaction.

_Jake was right under your nose the entire time. You were too naive to see it and that amused me to no end. I lived vicariously through your love life and grew impatient and more angry as time went on, just waiting for the right time to strike._

Joan sat down and began to read again, picking up _Broken Monsters_. How fitting the title was even though the book was about a serial killer. _I'm a broken monster and always will be._ She looked up to her door opening and glared when she saw Vera standing in her cell.

“What do you want?” Joan asked in a clipped tone.

Vera stared at her, also glaring and she walked in with her fists clinched.

“How could you do this to me?” Vera asked angrily.

“Why don't you go back home to Jakey? Or wait, I'm sure you're alone at home now. Why don't you go back home where you can continue to check for the monsters under your bed, hmm? I have no time to indulge in your silly fantasies. Goodnight.”

Joan turned to look at her book again. Vera was still here and Joan decided to ignore her. The woman would eventually leave just like she always did, with her tail between her legs. The book was taken out of her hands and she looked up at Vera and lifted her eyebrow.

Vera threw the book against the wall and Joan widened her eyes at this.

“Vera, no need to hurt the book. Honestly, is this how you treat most things? Tossing them aside as if they were nothing?” Joan asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Isn't that what you always do, Joan? Cut the bullshit. You knew that I was with Jake when we were together. I thought it was a little odd at the familiarity you spoke about the man I was with, but I just thought I was imagining things. I see that I had a reason to feel uncomfortable about it. Are you happy now that you made me lose my job and my boyfriend? I could have lived without knowing what he did. Ignorance is bliss,” Vera said, her voice tight.

Joan stood up. “You would have eventually figured it out. He's spineless. As for your job, you did that to yourself when you orchestrated the course of events in the last few weeks since Bea Smith's death.”

“You've taken everything from me!” Vera yelled.

Joan's nostrils flared. “And you took away my _freedom_!”

Vera's jaw tightened, taking on that militant edge once again. Joan pursed her lips at this, trying not to smile. _My little mouse is trying to be tough._

“The only one who took away your freedom is you!” Vera yelled and paused, shaking her head, then stared at her with a odd expression she couldn't quite identify.

“Every decision I make is for the greater good. If I have to make difficult choices, then so be it. You could relate to that. It was a necessity. It was right. My conscience is clear. How's yours?” Vera asked coldly and smirked.

Her own words from so long ago used against her. Joan's lips twitched in anger, then she smiled and slowly clapped and tried not to laugh at the incredulous look on Vera's face.

“Well played, Vera. Bravo. I'm pleased to see just how much you've learned from me since then. We're alike you and I. We will do whatever it takes to get what we want,” Joan said softly.

Vera looked like she was going to spit. “I wouldn't do what you did to me; what you've been doing to me. It's a vendetta. How could you do this?”

Joan smiled a little. “I had my reasons. How does it feel knowing that everything is a lie with Jake? That every time he touched you or fucked you, it was me telling him to do it? I'm the one that was in a relationship with you, not him. It's especially satisfying to know that he told me you once called out my name in the throes of passion. You tried to push it aside, but I know you.”

Joan stepped closer to her and brushed some lint off of Vera's shoulder. “You try so hard to hide it, pretending you're in love with him and that you're happy, but all you keep doing is thinking of me. Does that make you my whore?” She asked softly, her tone bitter.

Vera had a flash of hurt cross her face before it switched to anger and Joan felt the slap of Vera's hand landing hard across her cheek. She reached up and touched her red and burning skin.

“I didn't know you had it in you. It looks like we're even,” Joan said in a low voice, as she looked into Vera's eyes.

Vera looked at her hand which was shaking. “All you want to do is get even. Yes... every time Jake touched me I thought of you. Are you happy now? I said it! All I think about is you fucking me and I can't get you out of my head no matter how hard I try! I was hoping to move on from you and be with Jake. You've ruined that for me. And you may have the satisfaction knowing I said your name to him, but I am _not_ your whore,” she said vehemently.

Joan narrowed her eyes and reached up to caress Vera's cheek, which made the smaller woman flinch a little.

“You're not in control of this prison anymore, although I question if you ever truly were. I was the one pulling the strings. You and Jake were both puppets in my play. I ruined you just like you ruined me. We're even now,” she said quietly.

Vera was shaking with anger and she kept caressing her cheek until the younger woman removed her hand and stepped back from her.

“I thought you loved me,” she said in a small voice, averting her eyes.

“I do, but that doesn't mean I can forget everything that's happened. Have you ever considered that I'm the Cyrano de Bergerac to this with Jake? Everything I had him do, was some of what I wanted to do with you. However, you keep rejecting me so I couldn't let you be happy with him.”

Vera shook her head. “That's sick. You're sick. I don't even know why I'm here!” She said, covering her eyes with her hand.

“I know why you are, but the question is do you have the courage to face it?” Joan asked quietly. She searched Vera's face and could see every emotion cross over her delicate features. She wondered if Vera knew how much of an open book she was.

Vera walked closer to her and she was startled when Vera pushed her onto the bed, straddling her and lifting her white top off.

“Vera, if you--”

“Shut up Joan,” Vera growled.

Joan felt breathless as Vera took off her bra and leaned down and licked and sucked her nipple. Joan hissed as Vera bit down a little hard, swirling her tongue around it. She ran her fingers through her hair as Vera kissed both her breasts, licking and sucking on them hard. Joan slowly began to rock her hips against Vera almost involuntarily and she cursed herself at her lack of control. Her body craved her touch so much. She looked up as Vera lifted up and unbuttoned her uniform, standing up to take the rest of her clothes off, and then she yanked down Joan's pants and underwear, leaving them both naked.

Vera rested between her legs and began to kiss her passionately and with a hunger that even she was a little surprised by. She wrapped her legs around Vera's hips and moaned as they both rocked against each other. She could feel how wet Vera was and shivered when Vera bit her neck and sucked on it, then nibbled on her collarbones, moving down to her breasts again. Vera's fingernails flicked across her nipple and she sighed when Vera rolled her nipple between her fingers. She pulled it and pinched it and Joan panted as she leaned down again to kiss and suck her nipples. Joan rocked her hips against her as she did this and shivered.

“Vera,” she moaned softly.

The younger woman kissed along her body, open mouth kisses against her stomach and hips and her stomach quivered when she felt the soft full lips kiss her navel. Vera kissed between her thighs and spread them wider and she moaned when Vera kissed her wet lips, licking and tasting her. She bit her lip and closed her eyes as she felt her soft tongue lick inside her and she lifted her knees and slowly rocked against Vera's face. She squeezed her tongue as she thrust inside her and she felt Vera wrap her arms around her hips and squeeze her butt as she started to lick her clit.

Vera circled her clit with her tongue, softly licking her and she moaned as she reached down and stroked her hair and arched her back. Vera moaned as she licked her, and Joan trembled and panted when Vera's lips wrapped around her clit and sucked. Vera stroked her hips and sucked harder, licking her faster. Her legs started shaking and Vera kept her lips sucking and licking her and she cried out as she came, her whole body shaking. She panted, completely breathless.

Vera licked and kissed her gently, and she twitched and gently pressed against Vera's head. Vera kissed her body and then her lips, and Joan moaned into her mouth, tasting herself. She wrapped her arms around Vera.

“Joan...” She said softly against her lips.

Joan kissed her deeply. “Sit on my face,” she said huskily.

Vera moaned and kissed her back and Joan beckoned to her, looked up at Vera as she hovered above her and lowered herself down onto her face and lips. Vera is so wet and she caressed her hips and stomach, kissing and licking her. She licked firmly up and down her wet lips, all the way up to her clit, circling it. Joan kissed and sucked on her lips, sliding her tongue inside deeply. She moaned as Vera began to rock against her and she kept licking her as she did this, kissing and sucking. She caressed her clit with her lips and tongue, licking slowly around her clit and sucking it.

Vera started rocking faster against her and she looked up to see Vera squeezing her breast and Joan loves watching this as she trembled above her. Vera is tensing and shaking and she licks her faster as Vera whimpers and pants. Vera's upper body bends down as she comes and Joan keeps licking her, moaning at how fast Vera lost control. Vera lifted up and laid down next to her, and she's shaking slightly as Joan kisses her deeply, lying on their sides.

Joan reached down and cupped her between her legs, caressing her wet lips softly and then rubbed her clit gently with her thumb.

“Joan... I can't,” she breathes.

“Shh... just relax,” she said and kissed Vera's neck, lifting the younger woman's leg onto her hip.

She slid her fingers inside her and stroked her thumb slowly in a circle. Joan marveled at how wet Vera was and looked into her eyes as she slowly and deeply thrust inside her, circling her clit. Joan wanted to make this last as long as possible for fear that Vera would eventually leave again. She kissed Vera's breasts and smiled as Vera began to rock and grind against her hand. She faced Vera and watched her with half closed eyes, and Vera stared at her with a dream like expression.

Vera panted and rocked her hips faster. Joan stroked deeply, starting to circle her clit faster. She curled her fingers inside her and pressed on her clit. Vera's eyelashes fluttered and she squeezed her fingers tightly as she came. Joan kissed her hard and passionately, wrapping her arm around Vera who shook against her, and she suddenly tasted the saltiness of tears against her lips and realized Vera was crying. She kissed her slowly and slipped her fingers out and wrapped both arms around her, holding her tightly. Joan furrowed her eyebrows as Vera continued to sob against her and she stroked her hair and kissed her forehead.

“Shh, it's all right,” Joan said softly and kissed her lips.

Vera looked into her eyes with an unreadable expression, her lips trembling.

“I'm so angry with you,” Vera said, her breath catching.

“I know. I've been angry with you too,” Joan said softly.

“I want to hate you,” Vera said and more tears slipped down her cheeks.

“Hate sometimes keeps you going,” Joan said quietly.

Vera stared at her. “I feel that I...” She trailed off quietly.

“You feel what?” Joan asked, reaching up to caress her cheek.

Vera paused and Joan could feel her whole body shaking with tension.

“I love you,” Vera said softly.

Joan felt Vera's entire body relax in her arms and she held her tightly and kissed her hair.

“I've always loved you, even when it seemed like I didn't. Please don't leave me. Not now. Stay with me tonight,” Joan said pleadingly. She tensed, waiting for Vera to respond. She waited for the rejection but it never came.

“Yes, I'll stay with you,” she said softly and kissed Joan's lips.

She smiled and held Vera against her. She caressed her body until the smaller woman relaxed and fell asleep against her. Joan made several gentle kisses along her forehead and hairline, happy for the first time in a very long time that didn't have to do with playing any mind games. She knew this would only last a few hours so she tried to stay awake for as long as she could as she watched Vera sleep. She held Vera and closed her eyes, matching the breathing of the younger woman and soon fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

Several hours into the next day, Vera stared at the CCTV as the women had dragged Joan into the front of the yard and tied her against the basketball pole. Channing wouldn't call in for help and wouldn't let any of the officers go out. It was disgusting considering this was a hostage situation. He didn't allow this to happen with her, but it appeared he was willing to take the chance that Joan could die out there. _Fuck this._ She walked out, hearing Channing yelling after her.

She was in front of the gate with Jake and the other officers, watching as Linda Miles was held hostage with a shiv against her throat. She saw the women circled and crowded around Joan. They began listing everything that Joan had done and Vera couldn't hear every single thing, but it was very clear with how loud Franky was speaking.

Vera felt anxiety as she watched the women get angry, listening as Franky riled them up. What Franky said was more than likely true as she listed her crimes, but Vera knew why Joan had cut out Gambaro's tongue and she grit her teeth as that was mentioned.

She watched as some of the women ran towards Joan and Kaz stopped them. She took out her radio.

“Mr. Channing, you need to order the officers into the yard now.”

“No officer is to enter the yard. That is an order,” he replied.

 _You fucking son of a bitch._ She watched as Kaz let Joan speak, and listened curiously as Joan somewhat defended herself, then felt dread as Joan started to speak down to the women. _She's losing it._ Joan spoke angrily and appeared a little unhinged as Vera saw all the rage that Joan had been holding in. It was almost like she wasn't talking to the women anymore but to herself, looking and sounding like a cornered animal.

The women were shouting “guilty” after Kaz asked about wanting Joan to still be Top Dog, and Vera knew she just lost that status. It was inevitable with how Joan had been treating the women, but Vera felt increasing anxiety as she watched the women chant.

She knew then that Joan was no longer Top Dog and she started to breathe again once Kaz asked them to go back to their units until she saw a noose thrown into the air. Time seemed to slow down and she saw Joan's terrified face as she realized what was about to happen. Vera watched as the women put the noose around her and saw the panic and fear on Joan's face, watching as Kaz tried to stop the women and they pushed and held her back. _This can't be happening!_

Joan tried to fight and struggle against the noose they were putting around her throat and Vera felt panic as she lifted her radio.

“Mr. Channing, are you seeing this? Send the officers in now,” she said tersely.

“Negative. Officer Miles' safety is paramount. Hold your positions,” he responded.

 _You fucking arsehole._ Vera felt her heart rate go up as she kept hearing the women chant “string her up” and watched as the women started to pull on the rope and Joan was lifted from the ground. _Do something Vera, they're going to hang her!_ She glanced at Joan and the women, then at Linda who still had the shiv against her throat. Her mind was flooded with memories of Joan, from their first meeting to the time Joan brought her dinner, to times they spoke about work over drinks. She remembered after the riot, and during dinner when Joan said she cared about her, to slapping her later in her office, then Joan's actions as a prisoner. Every little detail of good memories to the bad ones, how she humiliated her through Jake, and the recent times they had fucked and then last night when she knew they had made love. All she kept hearing in her mind was Joan's voice. _“Vera... I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you...”_

She quickly opened the gate.

“Vera, what about Linda?” Jake asked.

“They're bluffing,” she said firmly. She felt him start to grab her arm.

“Don't fucking touch me! Latham, drop the shiv!”

She walked out into the yard and screamed at the women. They held Linda and pressed the shiv harder against her throat.

“Back off or I'll cut her throat!”

 _Oh, not today you fucking bitch._ “You've got two months or 20 years. Drop the shiv!” She panicked and looked up at Joan whose face was red, the rope tightly around her throat. _Fuck. Don't you die on me or I'm going to kill these women._

“Drop it!” She screamed. She breathed again when they dropped the shiv and she grabbed it and ran over to the rope and cut it quickly, watching as Joan's body fell limply to the ground. She ran over and knelt down and turned Joan onto her back. She quickly and gently took off the rope, seeing the ligature marks on her inflamed skin. She was pale and slightly reddish blue in the face and Vera shakily pressed her fingers against her pulse, feeling nothing. _Oh, Joan. Please don't do this._

Vera started CPR and did some chest compressions a few times before she tilted Joan's head back and cleared her airway. She brought her lips to hers, breathing a few times into her mouth. She started chest compressions again and kept doing so in desperation. _Come on Joan. Don't do this to me. Not after everything we've been through. Not after I finally told you I love you. Please don't do this. Breathe damn it!_

She continued the chest compressions, and felt like she was going to cry when nothing was happening, and just when she thought she'd start mouth-to-mouth again, Joan's eyes opened as she gasped for air. Vera's eyes widened and her hands were shaking as she stared at Joan. _Thank God._

The officers started to move in closer. “Back off! Get these women out of here and back to their units! We need a stretcher so we can get her to Medical!” She yelled. They began to force the women back inside.

Joan stared up at her and Vera looked down and caressed the top of her chest as she untied her hands and wrists. Joan lifted her hand and Vera grabbed it and held it.

“Vera?” She rasped and coughed.

“Yes... it's me,” she said softly.

“You saved me... ” Joan whispered.

“Yes, I did,” she whispered back.

Joan closed her eyes and lifted her hand and crooked her finger. Vera leaned down closer to her as Joan whispered into her ear.

“I'm sorry,” Joan whispered, her voice cracking slightly.

Vera felt tears prick her eyes. “I'm sorry too,” she said quietly and stroked her hair.

Joan nodded and closed her eyes a few times, then watched Vera and reached up to touch her cheek.

“Stay with me,” she said softly, her voice hoarse.

“I'll always stay with you. I'll protect you no matter what happens,” Vera said and felt her throat tighten.

Joan nodded and her fingertips touched Vera's lips gently, and Vera gently kissed them.

“I love you,” Joan whispered, so quiet that Vera had to read her lips.

Vera leaned down and whispered in her ear. “I love you too.”

 

 _"Nothing can be loved or hated unless it is first understood."_ \- Leonardo da Vinci

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I was told I should do more of this or at least another chapter and that the story couldn't just end in the 2nd chapter. I'm ending this story as a trilogy though and there will be no more chapters after this, as now what happens next will be left up to interpretation. I hope you all enjoyed that though, even if it was full of angst. It was definitely an emotional rollercoaster for me to write. Thank you for reading. :)


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